My first post on this blog was about my cat, Zachary. It was about how he ran away and how worried I was that he'd been hit by a car and that I wouldn't be able to handle another cat dying because of someone's inability to watch the road.

Thismorning, I woke up to the sound of my mother crying. I heard her come into my room, check to see if I was awake and then turn around and leave. Less than ten seconds later, she comes back in and I ask her, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Blubbering, she tells me that Zach got hit by a car, and that he was gone.

Naturally, I called both my best friend and my boyfriend (in that order). They both told me how sorry they were and that they loved me and that if I needed to talk, they're here for me.

The house feels empty without him, I think the dogs can sense that he's gone. I've become paranoid, however, following my other cat, Maggie, around the house, making sure she never leaves my sight.

I'll calm down eventually.

It's been over a year...

Since I've even looked at this thing. I'd originally signed up for the whole blogging thing so I could use it as a creative outlet, but (like everything else) it ended up in the corner, covered in dust next to that scrapbook and the sketches and the mediocre YA fiction novel attempts.

Let's try this again.

Cat.

The room I'm in is quiet, to an extreme, and it smells, almost like disinfectant. And, maybe I'm being overly observant but, if I am, I'd like to say it's unconsciously on purpose. I do, however, realize I am making an effort to burn the layout of this ''L'' shaped hallway they call a building, into my retinas, like I'm afraid to get lost on this college "campus".

The silence makes my ears ring, the smell burns my nose, and I'm sitting in front of a computer that has all of the icons on the screen highlighted. I know I'm too smart for this class, I know it for a fact, I can tell not only from the people in here, but the fact that our "book" came with a dictionary. Not to mention, the teacher talks to us like we're four and we have to write out vocabulary words and their definitions and write journal entries like we're in the third grade. Sure, I tested into this class, but I'll admit that it's because I over analyze everything, even multiple choice answers, and I'll also admit that I was/am too cheap to pay the fifteen dollar fee to re-take the test, so ultimately, this is all my fault.

I couldn't sleep last night, I couldn't force myself to slumber no matter which position I tried. But, eventually, I fell asleep, exhausted from worrying about Zach (my cat). I'm terrified something horrible happened to him. I'm terrified his body is splattered across the white sidelines of the highway. Maybe he tried to get warm and hid under someones car, only to be torn apart by a roaring engine adjusting to the cold. Or maybe, he was taken in by a family he preferred over ours when he wandered into their backyard.

I've been searching for three days and I need to know he is okay. That his remains aren't on the side of the highway. I've seen a cat get hit first hand, and I don't want to experience that again. Ever. My heart can't handle another dead cat because of someone else's heartlessness.